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Dog Satire, Humor
Rash of Dog Bites Predicted
I count a total of eight pit bulls. Suppose you assume that each one will bite at least 30 people, that is 240 dog bites. If you assume that at least a third of those bites will require stitches or other medical attention, you have 80 trips to emergency rooms or urgent care centers. I call that a problem.
I have heard the excuses — pit bulls don’t bite people without their owners putting them up to it. Are we really supposed to believe that these scary-looking masses of anger and muscle are ready to make friends with children, other dogs, and even strangers?
Not all pit bulls are menaces to humans
There may be a pit bull (likely a pit bull-mix) that is an exception to the rule. Maybe with the help of a saint or a former lion-tamer, there is a pit bull out there somewhere that doesn’t jump on people and go for the jugular. I can imagine such a scenario but, frankly, it would surprise me.
Not proposing a solution
My experience with pit bulls is more extensive than I would have chosen. That experience has taught me that some (remember that I said some!) pit bull owners are every bit as nasty and dangerous as their pets. I would say “more dangerous” because I have never seen a pit bull with a gun or brass knuckles.
With my familiarity with pit bull owners and enthusiasts in mind, I decline to propose how best to clear our streets and parks of pit bulls.
Suppose I were bold enough to propose something like a “Dog Bite Prevention Act” or DBPA. The legislation might include free neutering for all pit bulls, a public education program warning parents to keep their children at least 100 feet away from pit bulls, and a program, modeled after the Obama “Cash for Clunkers” program, allowing pit bull owners ready to admit they made a serious mistake to turn their dog into the government for a cash payout. I would vote for the bill without hesitation.
Are you ready to admit that America has a pit bull problem? I am. When I stumbled on the “box of trouble” picture included with this article, I realized it.
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