Photo of future trouble from Twitter

Dog Satire, Humor

Rash of Dog Bites Predicted

Dozens of future vicious attacks, all in one box

I count a total of eight pit bulls. Suppose you assume that each one will bite at least 30 people, that is 240 dog bites. If you assume that at least a third of those bites will require stitches or other medical attention, you have 80 trips to emergency rooms or urgent care centers. I call that a problem.

I have heard the excuses — pit bulls don’t bite people without their owners putting them up to it. Are we really supposed to believe that these scary-looking masses of anger and muscle are ready to make friends with children, other dogs, and even strangers?

Not all pit bulls are menaces to humans

There may be a pit bull (likely a pit bull-mix) that is an exception to the rule. Maybe with the help of a saint or a former lion-tamer, there is a pit bull out there somewhere that doesn’t jump on people and go for the jugular. I can imagine such a scenario but, frankly, it would surprise me.

Not proposing a solution

My experience with pit bulls is more extensive than I would have chosen. That experience has taught me that some (remember that I said some!) pit bull owners are every bit as nasty and…