Political Satire, Humor

The Pope Is Wrong About Pets Versus Children

Pets do less harm than many humans

John Dean
2 min readJan 8, 2022


The pope? Photo via Instagram

The pope recently admonished couples that choose to maintain pets rather than have children. He described them as selfish. Pope Francis is mistaken. In the case of many people, the world would be a much better place if their parents had chosen to get a pet rather than spawn them.

Let’s say Klara and Alois Hitler would have adopted a kitler cat rather than have little Adolf. Would World War II have happened?

Photo of kitler cat from Laughingstock.com

What if Mary and Fred Trump would have had a pet snake rather than Donald?

This could have been Donald Trump — note forked tongue. Photo via Wikimedia

Chris Christie’s parents could have purchased a Vietnamese Pot-bellied pig. If they had, there would have been fewer traffic jams in New Jersey. Would Christie be a regular on ABC News?

A pig named Chris. Photo from American Pig Association

Rudy Giuliani’s parents should have bought an aquarium and gotten a pet jellyfish.

The Lindells, Mr. MyPillow’s parents, unfortunately, chose to have Mike. A better choice would have been to just get a baboon.

Baboon taking a break from planning January 6. Photo via Wikimedia

You get the idea.

Pope Francis is a good man. Catholics are lucky to have him as their boss. But the world would be better off — much better off — if some people had never been born. A bad pet is always better than a bad human.

Not yet a member of Medium? Support the Medium community of writers and readers and get full access to all of Dean’s List and thousands of other quality articles. Become a member today.



John Dean

Writing on politics, photography, nature, the environment, dogs, and, occasionally, humor. Editor of Dean’s List.